In the realm of sports, especially nowadays, few stories go untold. Basically, social media and an over-saturation of outlets have made it damn near impossible to fly under the radar for any athlete in the national entertainment spotlight. However, I still feel like there are things – huge, news-worthy, pressing matters – that remain over-looked. I don’t really know if it’s an issue of time passing, or perhaps they aren’t as outlandish to others. I do know that I consider it my solemn, pseudo-journalistic responsibility to shed light upon that which has simply resided in the dark for much too long.
If we’ve met before or you’re familiar with my work, it is likely you will have heard what I consider to be one of the greatest mysteries of our time, nay, of all time. Michael Jackson was born black and died white, people! I mean, am I fucking crazy or does that shit just not happen every day?! Why in the name of all that is news does this topic not lead the nation in attention? How is it that we don’t have our finest resources on the case as I write this? There are those who question the resources poured into our space explorations when we don’t know the depths of our own oceans. Well, I second that, but replace useless ocean discoveries with Michael Jackson studies taking place at all our finest institutions. THE WORLD MUST KNOW!
Michael Jackson was born black and died white, people!
All right, now that I’ve scratched that itch, here are some sports-related stories that are criminally under-exposed these days:
- Jim Abbott was born without a right-hand, ladies and gentlemen. Abbott pitched in the MLB for 10 years, had an 18-win season, posted sub-3.00 ERA twice, threw a no-hitter, and had two major-league hits. ONE HAND! What part of this is not the most amazing thing you’ve ever heard?! Call Scott Van Pelt, shame on him for not making this his “1 Big Thing” every damn night.
- We’re just not going to talk about NCAA football Defensive Ends and Linebackers looking like professional body-builders before the time they can even buy a drink legally? A 20-year old that measures 6’5” and weighs 240lbs of solid muscle at 5% body fat? A body that has had maybe 3-4 decent years of muscle maturity to grow and develop and looks like a fucking statue is all natural, right? Ok, cool.
- Bobby Bonilla stays collecting checks. Baller!
- Spots 12-15 on an NBA bench are reserved for friends and veterans to whom personal favors are given. Given the new cap implications, 30 NBA teams will house players they have simply decided to gift at least $2+ million (veteran minimum) to. It’s customary to have a role as a bench player in the league, but, somehow, “towel-waiving-morale guy” has become as much of a fixture as “3-and-D guy” or “15-minute big man”.
- Aroldis Chapman can throw a baseball 105mph. That ain’t right. Dude is a lanky 6’ 4” and gets to downhill-lean into a throw towards a batter 60.5 feet away. How is this allowed?
- Deion “Primetime” Sanders played an NFL game and an MLB game on the same day. Is that even possible?
- Pablo “Kung-Fu Panda” Sandoval is too sexy for his belt. Homie is maybe too busy robbing the Boston Red Sox of $95 million to have realized it, but he’s not a pitcher; they’re the only ones that get to be overtly fat and get away with it… Here’s looking at you, Bartolo “Big Sexy” Colon. You’re perfect. Don’t change a thing.
- Kawhi Leonard refuses to cut off his corn-rows. I don’t give a shit how great he is, I refuse to encourage this behavior.
I’m quite sure I’ve left off many more than come to mind right now. However, the point remains. There are some stories that just need to be covered. I won’t stand for the national brainwash any longer. We need a little less “Russell Wilson Set To Have A Bounce-back Year” and way more “J.R. Smith Won’t Put His Shirt Back On”.
The Lemon Drop is a weekly segment entertaining whatever the hell comes to the mind of Enrique Sierra, Jr. (Hipster Rick). Simply a sports lover who wants what really matters to be discussed and not over-looked. Please click back next week for more and feel free to comment or engage us through Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.